Sunday, November 27, 2011

500 Nights of Mourning

Five hundred days ago, I made a resolution
To start to ponder with prose not elocution,
A way to deal with a change
That made my world new and strange
But will awaken me to find a way make a contribution.

Six times the seasons have turned
As I reflected on what I have learned
The ticking clock has spun 600 times
While I search for the depths using appropriate rhymes
In an effort to discover what my heart has yearned.

It will take a focus on heart. body and soul
To fully tap into what makes me whole
So I move forward with new zeal, after a fashion
Seeking to discover what is really my passion
As multi-faceted health is my goal

I write these words in the midst of the holiday season as I look back on the last 17 months and marvel how different my perception of the world is. There are times in life like the first year before and after college, the first months of a relationship, or the birth of a child that immerses you in a swirling mixture of emotions. Excitement, anticipation, wonder, and even some fear and confusion jostle for attention as the path to the future heads in unexpected directions. when the path ahead crumbles away due to a loss and we stare into the abyss, it becomes even more important to stay awake and aware to where life wants you to go. As a result, in the weeks and months ahead, look for signs that my vision for my future begins to come into focus (I've already got a new pair of glasses on order...) I have no idea what this will look like yet, but I've been alluding to an emphasis on all aspects of health since more energy and enthusiasm will always be helpful.

I leave in a week for eight days with John and Sally on Kauai walking in familar places with memories of Dianna in my heart. I will bring her and leave her at Waimea Canyon, Hanalei Bay, our sunrise/sunset point at Poipu, Kiluea Lighthouse and other places around the island where we spent precious time, especially with Merlin & Mary. I can think of no better place to rediscover my passion than in a land that is constantly creating - although all that volcanic items will remain on the big island and just be a useful metaphor.

During this time of Thansgiving, I am grateful beyond measure for the support of friends and family during this "Voyage of Discovery". Their patience and encouragement as I launched into my extended stoytelling/reminscing mode and their interest in joining me in whatever adventures I dreamed up have been invaluable to my mental health. My intent is to speak more softly (and less frequently) and carry less of a big Schtick.

The pictures above are the last I took of Dianna, a little more than 3 weeks before her passing. The ocean was always her favorite spot as she always connected with her spirit there. I look forward to doing the same in Hawaii as I move from mourning to enlightenement.

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